Manic Monday: drunken girlhood, the Golden Gate Bridge, old skool coffee shopping it, mah brother, 10 days and counting…

Blargh. I went out on Friday night to celebrate the first in many of my Scorpio friend’s birthday and ended up drunk and crying on my bedroom floor at 3:30am. This was followed by waking up at 10am with a fever of 101F and feeling like there was an elephant standing on my chest. It seems my hangover was exacerbated by the flu that I caught from one of the various munchkins I’ve been bebee sitting over the past three weeks. This caused me to cancel the majority of my weekend plans and stay in my PJs most of the weekend, working remotely from my laptop in the livingroom.  I felt better yesterday – enough so that I cooked dinner for my roommate and two friends.  I feel reasonably well today (though my roommate is starting to come down with the same symptoms I had,) enough so that I even went to two classes – though I did skip my first one in order to sleep in.

I wanted to sleep in because I stayed up until about 2:30am reading Smashed: a story of a drunken girlhood by Koren Zailckas. This book is scary and depressing and profound: mostly because I identify so much with it. I’m really fucking hating seeing myself in this book, as I’m nearly ten years older than the protagonist – but, I do – I also see the majority of my female friends. One or two most vividly. I have already discussed the book with a couple of them; and, two of them want to read it after I’m done (which will probably occur sometime today.)

I’m sure that drinking exacerbates my general depression: but, I’ve been having overtly morbid and scary thoughts again. Some of it has been brought on by the fact that I’m writing a short story about someone who jumps from the Golden Gate Bridge… I drew the topic from a hat in my Fiction Writing class. I hate the classmate that wrote that topic on a slip of paper. I really do. Because, in order to be informed about suicide and specifically about jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge I spent a bunch of time yesterday researching online. It’s all so fucking morbid, I can’t deal with it. And, the thing which angers me more than anything is that the jackoff who submitted this topic put a next to their sorority girl bubble writing.

My luck to draw that one, right?

I had to walk away from the computer because reading about jumpers caused me to have an anxiety attack worthy of a Xanex yesterday.

WiFi is once again down at my house.

My brother is in town for some business thing and honestly the prospect of seeing him for dinner tonight is really the only thing which is making today worth being out of bed for. It’s cold and foggy in the Outer Richmond today and campus had this lingering wetness to it that made me wish for a Gortex lined coat and rainboots.

I don’t know where we’re going for dinner; but, it will have to be someplace cheap unless he’s buying as I’m fucking broke until next Thursday.

Speaking of which: it is exactly ten days until I turn 34. *sigh*

Whatever. I’m not old. Srsly, I’m not – I got carded on Friday night – which means someone, somewhere thought I was under 21.

Yeah.

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